Friday, October 13, 2006

My Alter Ego

All schitzophrenia jokes aside, I often feel like I am two people: The person I used to be, and the person I became when I started law school.

Before law school I was confident and motivated. I had passion and direction. I was spontaneous and creative. I was well-rested, happy and in control of my life.

Once I got to law school I became a drone. I gave up my hobbies and passions for lack of time and still never get enough rest. I'm like a walking zombie most of the time. Law school has also made me insecure, paranoid and unmotivated. I don't know what I am doing after graduation but a heavy layer of apathy has slowly settled in over me. I used to be interesting and passionate but now I am boring and indifferent. I've become a product of the law school machine that shapes and molds scores of identical little worker-attorneys. I have paid $80,000 to memorize knowledge that provides good cocktail party trivia fodder.

But I don't want to be just an indistinguishable bore. Lately I've been trying to break out of my law school paradigm and pursue things that make me happy rather than pursuing mere means to ends.

I've taken up hiking again, and when I'm trudging through the woods in the crisp fall weather, wonder why in the world I gave it up in the first place. I'm starting a business that combines my entrepreneurial spirit with my creativity and desire to provide people with some of life's little luxuries. I may begin doing some business consulting work on the side, developing protocols and job descriptions and - most importantly - being in control of myself and my work. I'm applying to graduate school, exploring different programs and job prospects outside the legal world. For the first time in three years, I can see beyond the tiny confines of the law school microcosm that I'd allowed myself to be sucked into.

Though insignificant as they may seem, I see these little bits of my alter ego shining through my dull and boring law school persona. I am beginning to see life beyond the law, and it is something that I embrace more and more each day. And best of all, I'm excited to see what my future has in store for my alter ego - the real me.


Anonymous said...

Keep blogging while you're in law school (if you can afford the time). It provides a great outlet for your creativity.

Anonymous said...

yes, i love reading your blog. I'm a 1Ls. !

Law School Transplant said...

Sweet. Keep commenting and inflating my already over-inflated sense of importance and grandiosity. It's one small step in my overall scheme to take over the world. But keep that on the DL.